The Never Lecture | SOPs for Handling a Teenager | Rebooted

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THE NEVER BLOG | PARENT – TEENAGER WEEKEND INTERACTION SOP

AUTHOR(s):

T. Ellery Hodges

DATE OF IMPLIMENTATION:

March 8th, 2014 (BETA VERSION 0.1)

PURPOSE:

To show due diligence and reasonable care in the implementation of negotiations verbally agreed upon by legal parent(s) | INSERT NAME(s) | and prerequisite teenager | (INSERT NAME).

MEDIA:

Records will be maintained electronically on TNB Servers (aka Dad’s Hard drive), and can be referenced as public record on company TNB social media archive (http://telleryhodges.wordpress.com/).  Some reference materials are not public record and will be archived in Dad’s filing cabinet.

PROCESS OVERVIEW:

• Section 1 – Teenager Waking Responsibilities | Non-Reward Based
• Section 2 – Teenager Responsibilities | Reward Based
• Section 3 – Parental Obligations | (Positive and Negative)

PROCESS:

SECTION 1 – TEENAGER WAKING RESPONSIBILITIES | NON-REWARD BASED

As the specified teenager has claimed ignorance of certain non-negotiable responsibilities in the past, the following, though seemingly obvious, responsibilities will be outlined:

• If teenager awakes on couch with television set and/or gaming console still on, teenager is in violation of both the Bedtime SOP (LINK PENDING) and the Energy Consumption SOP (LINK PENDING).
  • If Teenager has foresight, they should at least show enough self-interest to shut off said device before parental unit discovers SOP deviation.
• If teenager finds house temperature under comfortable levels, teenager is approved to operate thermostat.  However, this is only after the following conditions have been met:
  • Teenager is wearing socks, pants¹, and outer garment greater than or equal to a long sleeved shirt. Failure to meet these conditions will result in deviation of the previously mentioned Energy Consumption SOP (LINK PENDING).
• Teenager will brush their teeth without being reminded ².
• Teenager will consume 1 vitamin supplement as provided in container on kitchen counter.
  • Additional |should parental units fail to provide adequate supply; teenager will not be held responsible for procurement and consumption of said vitamin supplement.
  • Further Additions | Statement also applies to non-weekend operations.
  • Teenager is expected, in the event that they are the first one to wake, to allow all applicable pet’s access to the yard for morning waste management procedures.  If failure to do so occurs, teenager will take on any required clean up that may result from failure to comply.
    • Pets will not be held responsible for accidents as they have not been trained on proper doorknob use.
    • Teenager will not claim ignorance of any previous groundings mandates in the event that they are found engaging in unsolicited electronic usage upon being discovery by a parental unit that has not yet consumed 1 to 2 cups of coffee.

 ¹Pants are not defined as any garment that one puts over their underpants, but as clothing that reaches from waist to ankles for the fulfillment of this operating procedure.

 ²Note: Personal Hygiene responsibilities are not limited to the herein mentioned. However, as this is a repeated point of confusion it is being given special acknowledgement in the operation procedure.

SECTION 2 – TEENAGER RESPONSIBILITIES | REWARD BASED

Teenager has been repeatedly reminded there is a difference between needs and privileges.

‘Needs’ have been defined as: the materials, attention, and care that the parental units are required to provide in order to ensure the teenager’s proper mental and physical development. (See link for listing of applicable necessities LINK PENDING)

‘Privileges’ have been defined as: usage of none necessity materials generally provided for entertainment with no education or redeeming qualities. (See link for listing of applicable privileges LINK PENDING)

Teenager continues to rebel against these definitions but has yet to provide convincing argument as to why they are not appropriate. For supporting documentation see:

• Teenager Philosophical Inquiry: Why does the person providing entertainment equipment and funding the costs of upkeep³ decide who will be allowed to use said equipment? (LINK PENDING)
• Lecture Notes: Money Is Acquired Through Parental Sacrifice Of Time And Energy (LINK PENDING)

Teenager is not required to live up to any of the expectation laid out in the herein procedure in order to be provided with needs.  However, privileges will not be provided should teenager be found in deviation.

As laid out in the previous mentioned Lecture Notes, saying “no” to a parental request for teenager chore completion is unacceptable behavior and will result in privilege flow disruption.

• “In a minute” is not an unacceptable response as long as said responsibility is accomplished within the hour of initial request.
• In addition, no response and/or simple angry glaring by teenager will be considered a “no.”
  • Angry glaring while performing requested chore is consider compliant.
  • Crying is not an acceptable response and is considered non-compliant. ⁴

³ See (1) previously mentioned Energy Consumption SOP, (2) Monthly Internet Billing Invoices Archive, (3) Video and Console Game Receipts archive.

⁴See Lecture Notes: Crying For Inappropriate Reasons after the Age of 10.

Section 3 – Parental Obligations | (Negative And Positive)

NEGATIVE:

Though, in most instances⁵, it gives the herein mention parental unit no pleasure to assign out punishments or lectures, failure of the teenager to comply with the above guidelines will require escalation by the parent to ensure future compliance.

Applicable escalation strategies are listed, but not limited to, below:

• Confiscation of some or all electronic equipment | See Applicable Privileges Listing
  • This includes equipment not directly provide by parent.
    • See Philosophical Dilemma Archive (LINK PENDING).
      • Giving Santa Clause Credit For Milestone Gifts
      • Grandparents And Relatives Are Spoiling Teenager
      •  Temporary Banishment To Predetermine Destination
        • Usually Teenagers Room,
        • a specified corner is not without precedent.
        • Hand-Written assignment in which Teenager must argue and counter argue his own case. ⁶
        • Forced Endurance of Long Winded Explanation of Parental logic, usually material previously covered at an earlier occurrences of similar circumstance.  (See Lecture Archive LINK PENDING)
        • In extreme circumstances, it’s been shown effective to threaten that all entertainment devices considered non-necessity be hooked up to a single circuit breaker.  This circuit breaker is then placed behind an appropriate sized padlock which assures that teenager will not be able to break any implemented grounding mandates out by the parent.  In effect, if both parents happen to not be present while teenager is occupying the family residence alone, mandate is then still enforced.

⁵ See Database | Teenager Behaving as an Epically Selfish Ass (LINK PENDING).

⁶ Hand-Written is recommended as computer typed requires parental supervision in order to ensure that Teenager stays on task.

 

POSTIVE:

As teenager’s key desire is that nothing be requested of them and no privileges be revoked. A key positive outcome for Teenager compliance is that parental units will not address teenager for reason outside of requesting what toppings they prefer the Parent have included on Pizza orders they may be purchasing for teenager consumption.  Note: Pizza has not been added to the needs listing at this writing.

Given compliance to the above, teenager is allowed to continue using the entertainment based equipment and peripherals and necessary electrical power without interruption.

Parental SIGNATURE

 

_____________________________________________________________mm/dd/yyyy

 

TEENAGURE SIGNATURE (NOT REQUIRED)

 

_____________________________________________________________mm/dd/yyyy