The following took place after I spent two hours on the internet staring at women butts. For context, I was on a quest to help my wife find a pair of jeans to replace her favorite pair that she’d worn to death…

IMG_2694

  • Me: I give up! I can’t even find the brand or any sign that these damn things ever existed. All the labels have worn off and the only clue is the stupid lightning bolt embroidery on the back pocket. I’ve scoured the internet, looked all over the old pair for another clue, and typed a thousand different search term variations… I freakin give up!
  • Wife: The brand is ‘Jolt’… I told you that before you started…
  • Me: I thought you said ‘Bolt’, like Bolt of Lightning! Like the damn embroidery! Son of a…..! Wait, how did you even get that far? I’ve been at this for two hours and never even found a matching brand.
  • Wife: its printed on the buttons.

(long pause)

  • Me: …I would be the worst freakin detective ever.

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