Today on the caveman interviews, we travel back in time to ask the question: So, just what sexual position do you and the cave woman seem to, well… you know…?
Was there ever an instinctual default method? If so, what did it happen to be? I mean, when in evolution did this scene play out:
With the plethora of colorfully named options we have on the menu today, one just can’t help but wonder what position good ol’ Homo sapien conception numero uno might have resulted from. Seriously Anthropologists… is there no cave porn to answer this question?
Perhaps the buddy system… in which one cave buddy agrees to wash away the drawings on another cave buddy’s ceiling in the event he is trampled to death by stampeding gazelles so his cave family won’t find it… has earlier roots in human history than we originally theorized.
A complete coincidence that today happens to be Valentines day.
I often ask myself, what a cave person would think of [insert odd modern behavior | stereotype]. I’ve been thinking of turning the questions that come to mind into a weekly series.
Today, I was home sick, and found myself dragging my wife’s shoes back to her bedroom as I crossed the living room (it took two trips). When I finished piling them with the collection already in her closet, my mind broke a little. So…
Today on the caveman interviews, we travel back in time to ask the question: Is the female half of the species obsession with footwear instinctual? Or has culture convinced consumers that there is no limit to the number of shoes they need to own.
A marked increase in sales, approximately 200% of normal for roughly a month
I have noticed a recent decrease in sales as of the last week, but there are rumors that Amazon has changed their algorithms recently, so its difficult to tell how much of that drop off is related
10 new reviews
A quadrupling of new subscribers to The Never Army mailing list
Likely as a result, I have received confirmation from some of the more sought after book marketing advertisers that they will feature The Never Hero in a new promotional giveaway (no, still haven’t landed a bookbub promo).
As I am now much more acquainted with how to run these giveaways effectively, I am going to run another promotion on Jan 11th –14th. This time, my focus is mainly on increasing mailing list subscriptions. I intend to employ some strategies, including an offer for free sample material of the still in progress Rolly Series. Side note: I have recently uploaded some of this series to wattpad to see if I can leverage the site to drive engagement. See link to read.
In other news, I have a perpetual problem in that I often stumble upon new graphics art techniques that lead me to realize I can produce more interesting cover material. So, with this new Free Promotion, I’ll be testing out some new Cover Art. These are showcased at the top of the page. For reference, the older models are shown below:
The problem with text messages in an office environment is the ambiguity of the way they can be read. Emo-Cons solve this problem in our daily lives, but at work they are considered unprofessional.
In today’s example, we wonder about the Cultural Differences in interoffice ping (instant message) etiquette. Observe the following interaction between myself and my European based counterpart.
(Note: names changed for discretion, wording also changed to more general office terms)
T.Ellery(Me) 8:48 AM Hello Robert
Robert 8:49 AM Hi T. Ellery…
T.Ellery 8:49 AM does your team need backup today? I am having trouble reaching Janice to ask, her status is listed as in a meeting though, isn’t it like 6 pm there?
Robert 8:49 AM Janice already left the office…
Robert 8:49 AM For today, we don’t need support. I see we have only few emails left in the inbox. Could be that Janice still has some in her personal inbox to follow up tomorrow, but that should be fine…
T.Ellery 8:51 AM ok, have a good evening
Robert 8:52 AM Thanks for pinging…
It’s the damn ellipsis […] that bug the crap out of me.
I really really really want to ask him if he realizes that by putting an ellipsis at the end of all his responses, he is suggesting passive aggressive impatience with the topic. If we were best buds, I’d see sarcasm. At least that’s how I would interpret it in North America, in Europe I don’t know[…]
hmmm, thought for consideration, can one pun with an ellipsis?
Now of course, I want to mention to Robert how it comes across in the US, but the obvious problem is that it might not be a cultural difference and he is passive aggressively showing his impatience.
Awkward[…]
A fleeting annoyance I know. It made me laugh when I thought about how it would play out if I asked him the other day. Feel free to add your thoughts in the comments. Gold star to whoever can send the most ambiguously rude message with with use of a […]
Sometimes the complexity of doing anything in business is jaw dropping in its silliness. Though I may understand the reasons behind it, I can’t help but be perpetually annoyed by the ridiculousness we as a species lose sight of…
Example:
Business 1 (BS1) gets mad at Business 2 (BS2) for not picking up goods they have arranged to buy from BS1’s Warehouse on 12-31-14. BS2 doesn’t make the pickup until 01-01-15.
Why is it so important that that date be hit? What is the big deal?
The sales date that BS1 can claim is based on the pickup date, and the one day difference in pickup means the sale now counts against BS1’s revenue for 2015 instead of 2014. This, through a series of related economic factors, contributes to a slight reduction in the stock value of BS1 for 2014. Which contributes to someone getting a smaller bonus. This results in a series of sh*ts-rolling-down-hills within BS1’s corporate hierchy, until someone is identified as the entity of blame within BS1. This individual then pushes said ‘blame’ over to BS2, and a similar rolling of sh*t routine plays out within BS2.
It really is like moving a turd from one hill to the next.
When entity of blame is identified in BS2, they then reach out and accuse the company responsible for their trucking/pickups. They claim, “the trucking schedule was not able to accommodate one more pickup before the end of the year.”
Who does the trucking company do? They shrug their shoulders, and say “do you know how hard it is to find a truck at the end of year, everyone and their mother is trying to move cargo,” and let’s not forget “The HOLIDAY,” there just wasn’t any equipment and/or truckers available.
—
Makes senses, until you step back and realize that a year is a completely human made up dividing line; a date that someone decided to mark the end of the Earth’s Orbital cycle around the sun. That it could have been any other day. That companies all over the world rush to get product out the door towards the end of December to give the illusion of selling more product within a certain period. Course, the immediate consequence, is that BS2 needs fewer products at the beginning of the 2015 because they were pushed to over stock (likely at a huge discount) at the end of 2014 aka arbitrary dividing line date of 12-31.
I see this every year…so far this 2014 is no different. To those who don’t work in an office day to day, you’d be amazed how often business creates importance out of something that would otherwise be just another day.
This may sound paranoid, but I’m curious if other authors have this experience. Ever since I published my first novel, I find the thought of reviewing other people’s work intimidating. Mainly, I am afraid to post anything other than a glowing five star review for fear that the author will see it as an attack that requires retaliation.
The thing is that I am hard to please. I consider myself well-read, so the issue becomes: the more I read, that harder it is going to be to knock my socks off.
In regards to fiction I’d score a book as such:
1 Star – Couldn’t finish it
2 Stars – Finished it, but it felt like work
3 Stars – Not bad, no annoying wording or typos, story was interesting enough
4 Stars – Three Stars + Some originality + couldn’t put it down
5 stars – Four Stars + Changed something about the way I look at the world
Now that I’ve been in the self-publishing game myself I know how devastating it can be to get a three star review, especially if the writer doesn’t have a lot of positive reviews to buffer its effects. So I find I only write a review if my conscience doesn’t have any reservations about giving the book in question a perfect score. This is troublesome, because how often does a book truly blow your mind?
Its probably a misplaced fear, but the truth is that making a spiteful enemy could have devastating effects on the business end of publishing.
I’ve come to the end of my first free book promotion on Amazon KDP. I thought I’d share my approach, mistakes, challenges, #foreheadsmack moments, and results.
Forehead Smack
Let’s be honest, stupidity happens. I had low expectations on Dec 7th, the night before the promotion was set to start. I’d read a dozen blogs and books that covered how to run a giveaway, and despite feeling like I understood the variables, nothing had gone to plan. My first mistake is what lead to a great deal of hustle/stress, in retrospect it was so blatantly dumb on my part I’m hesitant to confess it. I’d been hearing for awhile that Amazon was trying to do away with free book giveaways. So when I went looking for the ‘free’ promotion option in KDP I originally only found that Kindle Count Down Deal option. I mistakenly thought the Free promotion that everyone had spoken about was no longer available. Which, though false, was a let down at the time because I assumed I’d been reading outdated advise. It turned out I was plain blind, the free option was on the site the whole time, a pull down menu away. As such, I was disappointed, and I tried to plan for a Kindle Count Down deal, only to find that a great many of the free/low cost advertisement sites I had collected seemed to only promoted the book if it was a free sale give away, and therefore, were of no use to me. To make a long story short, I found the ‘Free’ option 2 days before the planned start date of my promotion. I had to hustle, because now I had two days to get all the things I had planned into place. Things I had originally planned to have setup weeks in advance.
Preparation
I waited longer than I believe most do to run my first promotion. I did this for a number of reasons:
I wanted to have at least 20 reviews on Amazon
I built the .epub/.mobi file myself and I wanted to make sure the book had been out long enough that if there was any technical issues I’d know about it.
I wanted to see what angle of marketing was the most effective, so I changed my blurb and hook phrases a number of times and watched sales until I felt I had a catchy presentation.
I wanted Cover feedback, and ended up swapping the original cover out with a new one that was more sales effective.
When the day came, I was able to arrange for the following:
Rushed Requests for Advertising on various email promotional sites. I’d provide a list, but the Author Marketing Club (@amcbooks) has a great list on their site.
A Facebook group tour, uploading a number of my own posts notifying people of the free giveaway.
Lastly, a Facebook Event letting all my Facebook friends know and asking for their help in boosting the signal.
As a comical side note, I spent two hours in Photoshop creating this ad image to go with my Facebook posts. After all that effort, I found no one could see the monster I had subtly placed into the smoky background. Everyone says the same thing, its cool when you see it, but no one will see it without being told it is there. Admit it, you can’t see the monster can you?
Technical Problems
Long story short, I had to engage KDPs Support Team to help change the kindle count down deal into a free promotion. Unfortunately this is not done with the flip of a switch. End result, my scheduled promotion of starting on Dec 8th and ending on the 13th became starting at 8 pm Dec 7th and ending on Dec 12 so early in the morning that only 8 units were purchased.
I’m not mad at Kindle, this was due to my numb-scullery, they were very helpful just getting any of it operational and I’m incredibility thankful.
Set Backs
I was very disappointed that I could not get advertisements on the top three promotional sites:
Bookbub
eReader News
Pixel Of Ink
I later found that this was not that uncommon for a book in its marketing infancy such as my own. At the time it filled me with fear of impending failure, but they say there is no better revenge than success.
HOW IT PLAYED OUT
If you are familiar with the KDP reports tab, the graph below will look pretty familiar. If you’ve read the whole entry, then this explanation will make sense:
Dec 7th | Promotion started at 8 PM at night and I had no advertising in place. The only reason I even knew about it was because a friend told me it was already listed for free.
Dec 8th | 90 % of paid advertisements went out and SFBook Review was posted.
Dec 9th – 10th | I suspect most of this was driven by two things
Late email readers from the 8th
Making it into a number of the amazon free top 100 lists on the 8th
Dec 11th | Seeing the sales were falling, I took out one more add. In addition, this was when the author interview went live.
Results
Given I went from fear of certain failure to 3649 total downloads, I am calling this a win.
At its peak, in the early morning of Dec 9th, The Never Hero was ranked:
#14 in Science Fiction & Fantasy
#2 in Time Travel
#1 in Superhero
It also broke the top 100 in the free Kindle store.
I checked its ranking a bit ago, its currently doing well despite the promotion being over, holding onto the top one hundred in a number of groups.
I don’t know if this is a common moment for authors, but before this, the book had been downloaded by approximately 150 people. It had 21 reviews, It now feels like the floodgates have opened. That this is when the book will really prove if it is worthy of a readership. Side Note: If you missed the free e-Book promotion, you can still enter to win a copy of The Never Hero (Dead Tree – Paperback Edition) free. See link to Goodreads Giveaway Contest.
Damn you internet, you’re suppose to tell me when cool stuff gets released. Now that I said that, it would be hypocritical not to recommend a few films I recently caught on Netflix.
Two artificial intelligence engineers come together as they work to create the first ever self-aware artificial intelligence. A veteran AI engineer secretly hopes to develop technology to help his diseased daughter, even if it means funding comes from the powerful Ministry of Defense (MoD). His new partner, a young woman gifted in the field of AI, is brought on after her breakthroughs are recognized by the MoD. Things go wrong when the MoD takes over and advances the researchers’ work to the next level, teaching the AI to kill and follow MoD instructions with its new and nearly indestructible body.
Now, I’ll just go ahead and tell you that the story ends exactly as you expect it to. I’m not even going to pretend it’s a spoiler. Yes, the A.I. can’t be controlled, turns on man, and sets up a future where our species will inevitably be replaced by superior machines.
What is noteworthy about this film is the writing. The development of the A.I. was fascinating. The questions the researcher has to pose to the computer in order to ascertain if the machine is truly self aware, or merely mimicking its understanding of complicated human emotions. Definitely worth watching if you like intelligent science fiction.
I will warn that there were some parts of the directing I found unnecessary. There is a perpetual theme of depression and gloom in both the sound track and the scenery. There is maybe five scenes that don’t take place in a dark cement colorless room. This is, of course, by design, but I’m not sure the film needed to be shot in such an exclusively depressing manner. The writing alone was strong enough to convey this. If you are a writer yourself, I promise, there are moments during this film where you’ll be sitting there thinking “Damn, I should of thought of that line.”
For this, I am posting the synopsis from Netflix because the one on IMDB is actually a spoiler.
The last mortal in a world of immortals, Nemo Nobody begins reviewing his life at the age of 120, trying to determine if he made the right decisions.
Now, again, it’s the writing that makes this Mr. Nobody thought provoking. Well, that and some quality vision from the director. If you watched this and found it wanting, I will go ahead and say there was one element I didn’t care for. To get it out of the way, I enjoy my theoretical physics as much as the next guy, but including “The Big Crunch” in the story line took more away than it added. Mostly, I think I was offended by the cliché of its presence in an otherwise awesome film.
What I liked most was the mystery. You are perpetually being toyed with as you try to understand the narrative, thinking you have pinned down the eventual ending only to find out you were setup. This aspect of the film diminishes as you get further into the story, but that is not a detriment to the film, just an inevitability of getting more information as you watch.
Again, If you are a writer, there are moments viewing this movie where you’ll be thinking “Damn, such an awesome setup for that line.”
Some of my favorite quotes (spoiler alert):
“Before, he was unable to make a choice, because he didn’t know what would happen. Now he knows what will happen, and is unable to make a choice.”
“In chess, it’s called Zugzwang. When the only viable move, is not to move.”
