The Never Puppy | Shit-Pocalypse | A Documentary

See if you can figure out how the story ends before I get there….

Those who aren’t aware, my son’s Doberman Pincher (a Big Dog) and my wife’s Border Collie (a slightly smaller Big Dog) had seven puppies a while back. Both parents are intelligent dogs, especially the Border Collie. This of course lead to some puppies that were too smart for their own good.

I’ll never stop hearing about how I gave the puppies diarrhea one day while my wife was out-of-town for a week. I went to the store to replenish the puppy chow supply and made the mistake of buying Purina Puppy Chow Beneful instead of just Purina Puppy Chow. This lead to a shit storm, literally in the case of the puppies, and figuratively from my wife.

Now, awhile back my wife and I went Vacuum shopping. I had wanted a Dyson ever since mine was stolen a year earlier. My wife wanted a Roomba (self-cleaning robot vacuum). We ended up buying both. The Roomba’s docing station was in the room adjacent to the puppies’ pen.

One morning I woke up and – surprise — 2 puppies were in my room. Now, I live in a two-story house and the dog pen was downstairs. “That’s strange“ I thought “my wife must of let them out.” Yet isn’t that my wife fast asleep next to me? Then came the noises, the clanks and crashes that only seven puppies loose in a house unsupervised can cause, with a familiar humming sound.

The Roomba is on a timer but it can be manually activated by a button on the top of the unit. At some point in the night these 7 super brats had escaped their pen. Due to the unfortunate timing, in other words, due to the fact that they were all crapping everywhere because of my earlier puppy chow mistake, there was crap all over the floor. Yet one of those brilliant brats had managed to activate the Roomba during the night. This had resulted in the crap being tracked through room to room and wall to wall.

Crap was everywhere people! EVERYWHERE!

This has come to be known as the shit-pocalypse in our house hold.